Wednesday, January 28, 2009

what is life?

warning: coming up is a post for me to rant out bu bottled content.
if u're going to judge me based on this, then Scram
because THIS IS MY PAGE.


ive been wanting to spill out everything. from how i feel to how things are now.
from relaitonships to my physical state.

currently, its heartwarming to know that im finally out of that dark rough patch with obscure view of my future and status.
everything was so bleak.
i don;t deny it was due to sabotage, and i don't know why. i finally understood human behaviour and emotions more.
ive always thought i was someone who cld hold strong control over emotions. but when all those came flooding in, i was overwhelmed. totally at lost.
i don't deny my egoistic side forced me to stand out to face all odds still, showing no evident emotional fluctuations. it was tough, but its the real me. i do have emo moments underneath my jovial cheerful surface.


i am a true blue cancer. sensitive , highly receptive to changes.
to be frank, its not just school, but family. all these episodes made me think if my existance is important. wld be it better if i disappeaered? wld the world be better off without me?
i don't understand. i secretly fantasized the best way to end everything.
but to think of it, its not worthwhile. ive been living for fking 17yrs, and im finally turning 18.
i have so mnay unfufilled fantasies. i want to do so many things, i want to experience life to fullest. i want to enjoy my life since its the gift of god. why'd i wanna end his wonderful creation of me?



its getting gospel, but im free in thinking, i believe what goes around comes around.
i ain;t a stornch in any belief.



rant a tant-tant. again, im confused whats going on with my physical state. i did nothing, and lifes just as normal. ive lost weight tremendously, in a matter of weeks. its like losing 1kg every 2 days.. i don't know. ive lost like.. 5kg still counting everyday. i look outstandingly , i say outstandingly pale with no touch ups. i think i am healthy. its alarming. ive nv experienced this. ive also lost my zest for gourmet, and u know, urge. lets emphasise again, what's life without food and urges? u tell me.

urgh. this is getting frustrating. forget abt it, let it be lost. i don't give a mtherfking damn abt it.
ive much more impt thigns to attend to. right now, i want to study, find love from everybdy, and fidn more reasons to love myself. i have to be a narcissist.


to end my conclusion, this is life when ur at the bottom. its like a business cycle.
you start off with nothing then u hike up to the peak, then tumble to a recession, and the bottom pit which is the trough. and u realise everything's not going well, u remedify it, u get back on track for recovery. finally, back to peaK and this cycle goes on and on and on until your last breath.


uve got no reason not to believe this.





oh well, everything's fine now. today, is the day, i feel love vibes from everyone again.
theres nothing else i can say. i am not the sort who'l forget u once we get in touch lesser. i do bother to maintain relationships. i cherish everybody who once walked into my life.